Ask An Introvert – Dating An Introvert [CC]

Hi, YouTube. It’s Kathy. Welcome back to Ask An Introvert, the weekly internet series where you ask an introvert and I, an introvert, answer.

The query from the comment section I’m going to answer this week is: “would love to see an episode with some tips on how to date an introvert.” I assume we’re coming from this from a standpoint of you are an extrovert and you are wanting to date an introvert, and I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt in that you’re not just trying to date an introvert for the fetishized experience of a different human being, but there’s an introvert in whom you are interested and/or already dating. The number one tip I’m going to put out there right now is every single person in the world, whether or not they’re introverted, is different, so these are just a few different things that you might consider while dating another human being that might happen to be introverted. But nothing is set in stone and you have to have open communication with the person with whom you are in a relationship. And at this point, the question’s going to come back to parties, because the questions always seem to come back to parties. At the requested one of my listeners, I recently listened to a podcast that was detailing the problems that a social butterfly was having with her hermit crab boyfriend and how they were constantly being invited to parties and she felt bad going by herself to these parties because apparently there‘s a social construct that when you’re in an interpersonal relationship that means you now have to do things as a couple, all the time, always.

I think the tone of my voice at that point probably gives you my opinion on that. Just because you are part of a partnership does not mean that the partnership has to do everything together, at all times, always. If you like going to parties and your partner does not like going to parties, your partner doesn’t have to go to parties – it always seems to be recycling day… just always.

It’s always happening, right outside my window. All that being said, there’s a chance that you’ll want to go out in public with your introvert at some point in the relationship and that’s perfectly reasonable. The way to make this an enjoyable experience for both of you is one: pick a venue that you can hear each other when you talk.

That’s the best. Like, literally don’t go to loud, overwhelming places. It’s just that easy.

Number two: if it is a get-together situation, make sure the person knows that and they’re cool with hanging out with a large group of people. And three: do not be surprised if that person wants to hang out with you most of that time. In fact, you are the reason why they’re out in the first place.

If an introverted partner tells you that they just need some alone time to themselves, do not take that personally. They don’t want to see anyone – ANYONE. It’s not about you. Something I am a huge fan of these together but separate time. Often I will hang out in the same immediate vicinity as another person that I really like, but we will be doing completely separate things.

Hi, YouTube. It’s Kathy. Welcome back to Ask An Introvert, the weekly internet series where you ask an introvert and I, an introvert, answer.

The query from the comment section I’m going to answer this week is: “would love to see an episode with some tips on how to date an introvert.” I assume we’re coming from this from a standpoint of you are an extrovert and you are wanting to date an introvert, and I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt in that you’re not just trying to date an introvert for the fetishized experience of a different human being, but there’s an introvert in whom you are interested and/or already dating. The number one tip I’m going to put out there right now is every single person in the world, whether or not they’re introverted, is different, so these are just a few different things that you might consider while dating another human being that might happen to be introverted. But nothing is set in stone and you have to have open communication with the person with whom you are in a relationship. And at this point, the question’s going to come back to parties, because the questions always seem to come back to parties. At the requested one of my listeners, I recently listened to a podcast that was detailing the problems that a social butterfly was having with her hermit crab boyfriend and how they were constantly being invited to parties and she felt bad going by herself to these parties because apparently there‘s a social construct that when you’re in an interpersonal relationship that means you now have to do things as a couple, all the time, always.

I think the tone of my voice at that point probably gives you my opinion on that. Just because you are part of a partnership does not mean that the partnership has to do everything together, at all times, always. If you like going to parties and your partner does not like going to parties, your partner doesn’t have to go to parties – it always seems to be recycling day… just always.

It’s always happening, right outside my window. All that being said, there’s a chance that you’ll want to go out in public with your introvert at some point in the relationship and that’s perfectly reasonable. The way to make this an enjoyable experience for both of you is one: pick a venue that you can hear each other when you talk.

That’s the best. Like, literally don’t go to loud, overwhelming places. It’s just that easy.

Number two: if it is a get-together situation, make sure the person knows that and they’re cool with hanging out with a large group of people. And three: do not be surprised if that person wants to hang out with you most of that time. In fact, you are the reason why they’re out in the first place.

If an introverted partner tells you that they just need some alone time to themselves, do not take that personally. They don’t want to see anyone – ANYONE. It’s not about you. Something I am a huge fan of these together but separate time. Often I will hang out in the same immediate vicinity as another person that I really like, but we will be doing completely separate things.

One of us might be reading a book, one of us might be playing video games – with headphones preferably, because that’s great. One of us to be writing, one of us could be watching YouTube videos or a movie or TV show. In this case, you still get to have a connection with that person because you can still look over and talk if you found something to talk about but you don’t have this forced interaction where you have to be paying attention to each other at all times. I find these interactions incredibly relaxing.

Not only do I get done what I wanted to get done, but I also get to see the person that I really like. I would love to keep this conversation going, so if you have any tips on how to have an introvert/extrovert dating experience, let me know about them down in the comments below. If you would like to Ask An Introvert, they’ll be wonderful. You can let me know down in the comments below or by sending me a tweet on Twitter. On the way down to the comments, if you hit that Subscribe button, that would be very nice of you.You can like and share this as you see fit and I will see you next Monday for another Ask An Introvert.

Bye! [outro music] [talking to traffic outside window] Come on, move along… Thank you. [outro music again]

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